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Behavior Patterns and Stress: Time for a Change?

An Invitation to Start Looking Inward.

View of Paris Eiffel tower

As some of you know, I returned from France a few weeks ago. It was time to see my family after five years. I was looking forward to reconnecting with my parents, sister, uncles, and cousins. I wanted to see how life had been for them after all these years.

Unfortunately, my heart ached when I saw the toll life had taken on some of my loved ones.

Before going further, you need to know that I pondered for a while whether I should write about my experience in France. But what I witnessed is something that many people I talk to experience as well.

First, let's go back a bit in time.


I arrived in New Zealand in 2011. I was psychologically and mentally wounded, but I didn't fully realize the extent of my condition. 2017 was the year of inner transformation for me. This is when I decided to change my life, including my diet, my way of thinking, and my work.

I finally concluded that my old life was slowly killing me, and if I wanted to do something about it, I had to make big decisions. Since then, it has been daily work (meditation, visualization, emotional releases, breathing techniques, EFT, EMDR, bodywork, self-hypnosis, hypnosis...). It is an ongoing process, but it gets easier with time.

For the last seven years, I have learned to observe my behavior, thoughts, and actions.

I slowly realized that my perception of life was based on my own wounds. It was distorted. What I was feeling was just a result of my attachment to past experiences. When I started to decide that the past does not define who I am, I began to make significant progress. This is also when I started to see some recurring patterns I had copied from my childhood.

parents fight
Which behavioral pattern did you copy from childhood?

For the first time, I saw these patterns when I went back to France. I'll give you an example. As a teenager, when I felt 'attacked,' I used to react angrily and meanly. It was my coping mechanism to protect myself. It often resulted in verbal fights and outbursts of anger. Only with time and observation did I see the repercussions it had on myself and the people I love. This particular behavior mirrored someone I love who was my role model.

When I went back to France, for the first time in my life, I stayed calm and detached from 'attacks,' and I was able to observe with more compassion. And it was this "Aha" moment. I saw for the first time the damage such behavior can create on the human body and those around us.

I saw how much emotional, mental, and physical pain we inflict upon ourselves because of unconscious behavior. Over time, the behavior is reinforced, and it gets worse. Relationships are ruined, emotional pain intensifies, mental illness expands, financial struggles emerge... all aspects of life are affected at some point.

In five years of not seeing my family, I saw the damage.

There was nothing I could do about it. Why? Because the person must become aware of the problem. It is like showing a mirror to a six-month-old baby. As long as the baby is not aware of his own image, he can't recognize himself in the mirror.

This is the key. To get better, to have a happier life, we need to take responsibility for the role we played. Not in a guilty way, but in a way that says: "I created that, therefore I can change it."

The reason I am writing this down is that I know this can be a wake-up call for some.

If you are struggling in your relationship, financially, or with your health, ask yourself this question:

Do I feel angry, sad, frustrated, anxious, nervous, victimized, guilty, ashamed, unloved, alone, stressed, abused or overwhelmed?

If you say yes to any of these feelings, you probably have some unconscious programs running in the background, keeping you in the same loop of misery.

The real question is, no matter what happens in your life (good or bad), are you able to be completely happy in the present moment?

(The day I can say yes to this question, I will know I am completely liberated from my own misery. I have more and more glimpses of pure happiness, but there is still a long way to go).

happy children
Happiness is within

In conclusion, happiness and liberation cannot come from something outside (not a new house, millions of dollars, a new car, a new partner...), it is within each and every one of us. It is inside and always with us. Only our own programs act as a filter, preventing us from finding this peace. Hence, it is crucial, more than ever, to start looking inward.

My services with Raynor massage or hypnotherapy can be one entry point to start working on your own wounds. Don't hesitate to contact me if you want to dive deeper into a world of liberation.

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